CAE Essay Example & Model Answer: Younger people
Your class has listened to a radio discussion about how adults can be a good influence on younger people. You have made the notes below:
Ways adults can influence how younger people behave:
- giving rules
- setting an example
- offering advice
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
- “Sometimes it’s fun to break the rules!”
- “If you admire somebody, you try to behave like them.”
- “Young people don’t always listen.”
Write an essay discussing two of the ways in your notes that adults can influence younger people’s behaviour. You should explain which way you think is more effective, giving reasons to support your opinion.
Adults can influence younger people in a good way, but also in a bad way. There are various possibilities how this can happen.
On the one hand, setting a good example is a quite useful way, because younger people will be able to see the adult’s behaviours and ways of thinking. They will see and feel the adult’s values and lives and may decide to become like them someday or at least to try to behave and think like adults.
On the other hand, offering advices seems to be the better way for me, how adults can influence younger people. Because, setting a good example to follow can be useful, but it also is pretty exhausting for adults and they may have some pressure as well. In addition, it’s just an opportunity for younger people, because they’ll decide rather they want to become like these adults or not.
In my opinion, younger people should try to learn how life works on their own. This will lead to more failures, but in my opinion, failing is normal and necessary. Of course this way of influencing is more exhausting for younger people, but I guess they’ll figure out how to do things on their own.
Failures are crucial for learning and for success, therefore I think that adults just should offer advices and show them, that they believe in them. That’s going to encourage younger people and they will try to learn and believe in themselves. That’s why I think, that offering advices is the better way how adults can influence younger people.
|Content||5||All content is relevant and the target reader is fully informed.|
|3||The essay is written using the conventions of the communicative task effectively. The essay has a neutral tone and uses appropriate phrases to introduce and connect ideas through the text (On theone hand; On the other hand; In my opinion).|
The essay topic is clearly communicated in the first paragraph and the main points are developed in separate paragraphs.
However, there are a couple of slips in the register (I guess they’ll figure out; pretty exhausting). The conclusion restates the candidate’s own opinion about which way is better, after giving some examples to support their view.
|Organisation||3||The text is well organised and coherent. The structure of the essay is logical and cohesive devices are used to connect the ideas within and across sentences.|
Organisational patterns are used to generally good effect. In the latter part of the essay, failure is discussed (in my opinion, failing is normal and necessary) and then the effects of failure on young people are explored. The idea of failing is repeated in the final paragraph (Failures are crucial) to support the candidate’s conclusion.
|Language||2||There is a range of vocabulary used appropriately, but there is some awkwardness of expression at times, either due to word choice or word order.|
Some grammatical forms are used with control, such as present tenses and modals, but there are errors when more complex forms or expressions are attempted.
Many parents, struggle with bringing up their child into be responsible adults and are unsure how to influence them. There are of course, many ways of influencing young adults, and I want to present and discuss two of them: giving rules to obey and offering your children advice.
First of all, it has to be said that advice is easy to ignore, and that children especially in their adolescent years, don’t even want advice, and will tell you so, too: ‘I don’t need your help’, they will say to you or even shout at you. Kids often feel misunderstood they think their parents can’t understand them, because they are ‘too old’. If your son or daughter has a problem, it is important to make him or her feel that you do understand and only want their best and are, therefore, offering some advice, hoping it will help them.
Then again, there are rules. Rules can be placed differently, they don’t need to be a stone-hard barrier to your child’s freedom. Adolescents will often bend rules or utterly break them all because they need this certain feeling of rebellion and freedom. Rules also help the maturing of the conscience. If a child doesn’t need to follow rules, it’s conscience will never mature and it will not know wrong from right. If, however you place rules, and punishments should they not be followed, your son or daughter will learn not to steal, to be home on time simply because he or she doesn’t want to be punished. Don’t overdo it, though. Placing too hard punishments could also lead to destruction of the conscience your child never being able to make it’s own decisions.
I think that giving rules to obey is the best way of influencing young people. Wherever you go, you find certain rules. Not every rule is absolutely sensible, but while growing older, your child will learn by itself which rules should be followed and will follow them of free choice.
|Content||5||All content is relevant and the target reader is fully informed.|
The candidate chooses two of the ways adults can influence younger people Negative aspects of both choices are described and this is balanced with a more positive aspect of each option.
In the conclusion, the candidate offers their own opinion on which way is more effective and explains why.
|4||Essay-writing conventions are used effectively to communicate ideas clearly. The register is mostly consistent despite the candidate offering advice. Overall the language of explanation, opinion and justification is appropriate for this essay and holds the reader’s attention.|
There is a mix of straightforward and complex ideas running through the paragraphs.
|Organisation||4||The text is well organised and coherent, and the candidate makes good use of a variety of cohesive devices to show connections between ideas across sentences and paragraphs, including referencing, punctuation and conjunctions.|
More complex organisational patterns are used to generally good effect, particularly when presenting positive and negative aspects of one topic.
|Language||4||There is a range of vocabulary, including less common lexis which is used effectively.|
There is a range of simple and more complex grammatical forms which are used with control and flexibility. There are occasional errors but these do not impede communication and are sometimes due to ambition or are slips.
CAE Essay Model Answer: Crimes
You have watched a documentary about what causes young people to start committing crimes. You have made the notes below.
Reasons why young people commit crimes
- lack of control by parents
- absence of opportunities in life
- influence of friends
Some opinions expressed in the documentary:
- ‘Without firm discipline from parents, some children are likely to get into trouble.
- ‘Ifs not surprising that young people who feel they have no chance of a good life turn to crime.
- ‘The bad influence of people they mix with can cause some young people to take up crime.’
Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the reasons in your notes. You should explain which cause you think is the most important for young people committing crimes and provide reasons to support your opinion.
The documentary investigated what makes young people commit crimes. It seems to me that the most important reason is lack of appropriate control by parents.
To put the blame for youth crime on parents may seem rather unfair, but a lot of the interviews and information in the documentary backed up this belief. There is more than one reason why many parents fail to control their children. Some parents believe that it is wrong to discipline children in any way, and think that children should be free to do whatever they want. Some parents are simply too lazy and selfish to control their children, preferring to let them behave badly so that they can continue doing what they want. Another reason is that some parents did not grow up being disciplined by their parents and so they do not do that with their own children.
Factors such as economic position and influence from peers can of course play a major role in causing young people to turn to crime. However, it is my view that how children am brought up is more important than either of those. They need firm rules to be given to them by parents who they respect, and if they are not given firm guidance by parents, some of them are bound to behave badly. Some of this bad behaviour will be criminal. If you do something wrong and you get away with it, you will do it again or do worse things.
CAE Essay Model Aswer: Talent Shows
Your class has attended a panel discussion on the subject of TV shows that feature members of the public, such as reality TV shows and talent competitions. You have made the notes below.
Aspects of reality and talent TV shows
- entertainment for viewers
- influence on young people
- effect on participants
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
- ‘These programmes are just harmless entertainment and there is nothing wrong with them.’
- ‘The influence these programmes can have on young people can be very bad indeed.’
- ‘People who take part in these programmes can be damaged by the experience.’
Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the aspects in your notes. You should explain which aspect you think is the most important regarding these TV shows and provide reasons to support your opinion.
The discussion focused on various issues connected with TV shows that feature members of the public. They have been a worldwide phenomenon for some time and views on them vary greatly.
One of the main aspects of these shows is the entertainment they provide for viewers. Obviously, they would not be watched by so many people if audiences didn’t find them entertaining. During the discussion. It was said that the shows are enjoyable to watch and do no harm. People enjoy watching ordinary members of the public living their lives, doing their jobs or taking part In talent competitions because they can relate to those people. I think that this 15 true. Although I don’t personally find them interesting and therefore seldom watch them, I agree that many people find them very entertaining.
However, a morn serious aspect was discussed and that Is the Influence these shows can have on people. especially young people. This, I think, Is the most Important aspect. Many young people are Influenced by these shows and the people on then They too want to appear on TV, to be ‘famousjust like the people they see. Rather than thinking realistically about their futures and about getting jobs and careers. they get the Impression that anyone can be famous. Instead of focusing on building a life in a practical way, they dream of being like those people on the shows. I think this 15 the most important consequence of these shows and It is a harmful one.
CAE Essay Example & Model Aswer: Facilities
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities that should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
- sports centres
- public gardens
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
- “Museums aren’t popular with everybody!”
- “Sports centres mean healthier people.”
- “A town needs green spaces – parks are great for everybody
Facilities in need of funds
Having listened to today’s radio programme about facilities that need financial help, I realised that sports centers and public gardens have been neglected over the years by the local authorities.
There are few sports centers out there that meet the right characteristics that a good sports center must have. This is one of the many reasons that people avoid sport. We see lots of kids nowadays suffering from obesity and other health problems caused by the simple fact that they don’t do sport.
Another reason for this is that people have nowhere to go out for a walk or to run in a nice place. Public gardens, parks for example are also lacking in numbers. The ones that are already there are not very nice and they don’t look very good. I think that by improving this two facilities the population can benefit from this. By creating more sports centers, there will be some more jobs offered, and some kids might even follow a sports career. By making more public gardens people can get out more often and spend some good quality time relaxing.
I think that local authorities should invest money in both facilities because, this is a good way to increase the populations health.
|Content||3||All content is relevant to the task and the target reader is on the whole informed. The candidate has not made a final selection between the two facilities.|
|4||The conventions of essay writing are evident and the target reader’s attention is held throughout. The opening statement sets up the context of the essay, and the candidate chooses two of the facilities to discuss (parks and sports centres). The candidate links these two aspects throughout the essay, and this linking is effective in communicating more complex ideas which relate to both facilities.|
A consistent register is used, and the overall tone is suitably persuasive and objective.
|Organisation||4||The text is well organised and coherent. Fairly subtle organisational patterns and cohesive devices are used, rather than overt linking words: for example, relative clauses/pronouns, substitution and ellipsis.|
Some sentences are quite short and could have been connected to make the text more fluid at times.
|Language||3||There is a range of vocabulary and some less common lexis, which is collocated appropriately.|
There is also a range of simple and more complex grammatical structures used
In regard of a recent discussion about the facilities, which are financially supported by local authorities, I would like to write a few of my personal thoughts. Whether we are talking about sports centres or public gardens, there is no doubt that they are both a good thing to have in the city and should both be supported somehow. The only question then is which one of these is more important, what are the pros and cons of each one?
Let me start with the sport centres as I think these are a bit more problematic. Obviously, in our times where lots of people spend days sitting in their office staring at a computer, some sort of physical training is very important. We have to balance that shift in our lifestyles. The problem I see with supporting the sports centres is the number of activities that you can do at these days. There is almost countless list of either individual or team sports that we can think of, and each centre is usually designed for a specific type or at least a group of sports similar in its nature. Therefore I think that it is too difficult to support them equally and we can’t say which activity is better than the others either. Another reason for not financing sports as much as green parks is their commercial use. What I mean by that is that we usually pay for everything the centre offers us to do and therefore they are more able to last from their own money than gardens.
Regarding of the green spaces, the situation is much clearer I think. Every city needs gardens where people can sit and relax, but nobody is going to pay a tax for just walking around.
These factors lead me to my conclusion, that the public gardens are definitely a facility which should be financed from public money, whereas in the case of sports centres, the situation is questionable.
|Content||5||All content is relevant to the task and the target reader would be fully informed. The candidate discusses two of the options (sports centres and green spaces).|
|4||The conventions of the communicative task are used effectively, holding the target reader’s attention with ease. The register and tone are consistent and the language choices are sufficiently formal and appropriate throughout, particularly the opening and closing paragraphs.|
|Organisation||4||The essay is well organised and coherent, and the different ideas are clearly signposted throughout. The target reader can easily follow the argument. The paragraphs are internally well constructed and are linked together appropriately. In terms of organisational patterns, the overall effect is generally good, rather than good throughout, due to the imbalance of length between the second and third paragraphs.|
|Language||4||A range of vocabulary, including less common lexis, is used effectively, although not always precisely. A wide range of simple and complex grammatical forms is used with control and flexibility, particularly in terms of sentence construction. Although there are occasional errors, these are often slips and do not impede communication.|